In case you missed the satirical post, “10 Ways To Tear Down Your Husband“, this post is written in response to it, to be more serious on the subject!
“I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten… You shall praise the name of the Lord your God, who has dealt wondrously with you.” – Joel 2:25
1. Be his biggest fan. Truly. Verbalize it often; tell him when you are sitting across the dinner table from him, when you’re lying in bed together, in the midst of the workweek. “I really like you” goes a long way. This is especially beneficial if you do it in front of others.
2. Call him just to say hi. Short and sweet, without reminding him that the dryer isn’t drying and the kitchen sink is still leaking. This lets him know you think about him even when he’s not right next to you.
3. Daily, ask what you can do to help him. In Genesis, God created woman to be a helpmate and the word is literally rendered “lifesaver.” What can you do to give life to your husband instead of taking it?
4. When he talks about his day, listen. This will enable you to ask questions at later times regarding things he has talked about (“How did it go with the training you were worried about?”; “How is it going with David’s promotion?”, etc.) and he’ll know you care.
5. To truly love well, 1 Corinthians 13:4-13 is beneficial. Memorize this and take time to write out each action of love (kind, patient, etc.). Then think on specific scenarios where you were not loving and what you could do to be loving the next time. This helps you in taking Scripture and applying it to your daily life.
6. Speak highly of your husband to yourself, your kids, his family, your family, friends, co-workers, the grocery store clerk, and anyone else you come into conversation with. Tell what you like about. I promise you’ll find a plethora of things to like about your man.
7. Leave him notes. List the things you appreciate about him. No matter how small they are, and especially the seemingly insignificant things, write them out for him to find them.
8. Let him lead. This is simple (and oh, so hard because of our pride) but in a healthy nourishing relationship, there will be constant conversation regarding family decisions. He’ll state his opinion, you’ll state your opinion, and most often, you will absolutely be on the same page. Occasionally, you will not be and this is your opportunity to defer to his lead. The more he leads, the more confident he becomes. The more confident he becomes, the better he leads. The better he leads, the more you will trust his leadership.
9. In an argument, ahem, heated discussion, keep self-control. Acknowledge your wrongdoing, not just his. Be honest, be loving, and be humble. Apologize for your sin and extend forgiveness for his. A humble heart says, “I’m sorry for doing that. I should not have.” True forgiveness says, “Yes, you wronged me but I will not hold it against you.”
10. Building up your husband, and therefore your marriage, starts in your heart. Train yourself to think well of your husband. That will naturally overflow into your speech and actions.
However, the hope of fixing any marriage will never be found in a self-book containing 7 steps or a blog post with 10 bulleted points.
The hope in reconciling and redeeming a marriage is found in the gospel of Jesus Christ alone.
Because Christ lived a sinless, perfect life, His record is imputed to us and we have an example of how to love sacrificially.
Because of his death, we have been set free from every single sin, flaw, and failure – past, present, and future.
Lastly, because of his resurrection, we now have the strength, ability, and opportunity to turn from our old ways and chart a new path. It’s never too late to start over in your marriage.
Most importantly, God is for your marriage. He himself has said yes to us and never leaves us or forsakes us. We can find joy in saying yes to our spouse. There is nothing more intimate than a man who has seen you on your brightest (wedding) day and seen you at your unloveliest moment (grief, confession of sin, failure) and said, “Baby, I’m all in, I’m not going anywhere.”
For whatever may have seemingly destroyed your marriage, take heart! God is bigger than any hurt and can do a wonder far beyond our comprehension. I know this to be true as I have seen him heal and restore my own marriage.
– Laurel Ewing, Women’s Ministry Director